yo ho ho

While everyone is cramming comfort and joy into every room of the house, let me share with you my Grinch list instead:

1. As a Californian, you likely need to learn to appreciate the "zipper" in highway on-ramp merges. No time like the gridlock holidays to reflect on this before you get in your automobile again.

2. George Michael's "Last Christmas" should no longer be getting air play. I should not even have to say that.

3. I will slap your hand if you give money to that nice old lady ringing the Salvation Army bell. That organization is ferociously anti-gay.

4. Okay fine. That's about it. I guess the merriment is infecting my spirit.

But hey, I'm serious. Merging should not be bloodsport. Think about this and make my world a merrier place in the new year. Thank you and remember: every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did not.

Now I'm going to go drink your cider and read A Christmas Carol. Bah humbug!

you make time

Everyone is busy during the holiday season, but I can't help thinking it's all the more appropriate during the holidays to make time when a community is left out in the cold. President-elect Obama has invited Rick Warren, a vocal opponent of gay and lesbian rights, to give the invocation at his inauguration.

President-elect Obama is sending the wrong message. He is validating an individual who supports the elimination of a minority's civil rights in this country. Plain and simple. So. You can remind your president-elect of this in at least two ways.

1. Ask President-elect Obama to rescind this invitation.

2. Attend a "Light Up the Night" gathering. After all, both Harvey Milk and Barack Obama ran on a platform of hope and hope is not just about dreams, but their fulfillment for everyone.

whoever louis is

I like what he has to say:

jack black is the new jesus

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

see the salumi section

Friends,

My relationship with the San Francisco Chronicle is solid. I have subscribed to it, written for it, and most recently been mistaken for an Elizabeth A. Kennedy from the AP who has written for it. But familiarity does not equate to forgiveness. My dear Chronicle copydesk clerk, please note the below screenshot and revisit the word "glossary," if you would.

That's all. Thank you.

the original Elizabeth A. Kennedy

books make great gifts, said five thousand times

I'm sorry, but I did not need to hear Frank McCourt's reason for a book being a great gift. (Fast-forward to 1:16 in the video.)

a time for cartwheels

I know next to nothing about any Zodiac sign but my own, something I'm sure astrology buffs attribute to the fact that I am a Leo, the most egotistical of the firmamenty bunch. And while I can't say I put much faith in the system, I do so love when folks like the good and worthy Rob Brezsny serve up stuff like this:

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LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
When he's in his prime, a male panda performs an average of eight handstands a day. There's no apparent evolutionary purpose in this stunt. He does it because it feels good. I suggest you make him your role model in the coming week, Leo. Identify three activities you can do not because they're "good for you" or because they'll advance some goal you're pursuing, but simply for the sheer fun of it. If you can't think of any play-time endeavors that fit this description, do the meditation and research necessary to find some. Whatever deeds you ultimately settle on, do them at least eight times a day. (P.S. Do you know how to do cartwheels?)

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Have you too been granted permission to stand on your hands? Find out.