Tuesday, March 25, 2008

the latest in objectionables

I'm all for innovation and invention. Small discs that vacuum without the help of humans? Sure, why not? Laser tape measures? Neat. Zesters, pastry scrapers, ice cream scoops with the little dislodger arm, yes, I like all of these. But I think someone needs to tighten the belt on the buyers at Sur La Table and Crate & Barrel. Let's observe together.

If you cannot spare the energy to shake the shaker, you have not earned your martini.

These may be, as fixtures go, as old as the hills, but longevity does not justify ceramic eyesores. No more sculpted, painted fowl in our kitchens.

Let's spare our dishware the responsibility of communicating for us. If I want to say good morning to you, I'll do it myself.

Flashy mixers. I say no to pastel mixers, even if they are part of the assuredly moral "Do xx for the Cure" campaign that appears to be taking over the planet.

Can you see what that sign next to me says? Those are branches and they are for sale inside the store for $6.95 (they are, incidentally, also available just outside the store, the very same type of tree, for free if you bring a hacksaw).